求翻译

草蜢

我今天试着翻译了萨镇冰的诗:

五十七載猶如夢，
舉國淪亡緣漢城，
龍遊淺水勿自棄，
終有揚眉吐氣天。

我争取做到“信达雅”， 但我觉得爱坛这里人才一大推，一定有比我能翻译更好的。

先把俺的翻译方这里， 抛砖引玉哈！

57 years like a dream,

entire country's ruin started in Hancheng

Oh Dragon when you swim in the shallows, don't you give up,

One day you shall again raise your head high and your bellow echo thru the heaven

我没有用首尔Seoul因为当年那嘎达还不叫首尔， 就是叫汉城。我考虑了用韩语发音Hanseong， 但其中那个Se 发音对英语人士来说还是很难， 还不如Hancheng. 另外用萨镇冰的福州话来发音汉城是啥？

我没用 city of Han, 因为字太多了,好像也不太通畅。

"揚眉吐氣天"如果直译为"raising the eyebrow and breath" 忒不信达雅了，英语中“raising the eyebrow”跟中文语境中的揚眉完全不同意思。

大家看看咋整。

Update:

我根据谷哥的翻译又改编了一遍：

57 years like a dream,
entire country's ruin started in Seoul
Oh Dragon swimming in shallows, don't you give up,
You will rise again with your head high and your bellow thru the heavens echo

老兵帅客

Fifty-seven as a dream,
The country fell to Seoul,
Longyou shallow water do not give up,
Finally proud of the day.

From google translate

麥小樹

Fifty-seven is still a dream,
The end edge of Seoul,
Do not abandon the shallow water of Longyou,
One day, a feeling of exaltation upon fulfillment.

来自度娘的翻译……

草蜢

老兵帅客 发表于 2017-6-22 01:52
Fifty-seven as a dream,
The country fell to Seoul,
Longyou shallow water do not give up,

我根据谷哥的翻译又改编了一遍：

57 years like a dream,
entire country's ruin started in Seoul
Oh Dragon swimming in shallows, don't you give up,
You will rise again with your head high and your bellow thru the heaven echo

dynthia

试着凑凑抑扬格（但是搞不出韵，而且把comes的后半不算音节，beached的后半算，不知行不行）：

A span of fifty seven years, a dream,
From City on the Han destruction comes
to all the country, beached dragon don't
despair, the day of high head will arrive.

冰蚁

胡编了几句，意思意思，无章法可言。


Dream, I has been wandering in it for 57 years,
Seoul, the place the entire country had fallen from,
Shallows, the entrapped dragon never ceased fighting,
Roar, the trumpet of victory resounds through the earth and sky.

燕庐敕

萨镇冰自己在英国留学过，不知他自己会翻译成啥？

牛腰

试试这个：

From Hancheng the Empire fell to its demise,
Fifty seven years hence, a nation in torpor, unable to rise.
In scorching blaze the phoenix perseveres,
‘til rebirth, ascend, and reclaim thy prize!

loy_20002000

老兵帅客 发表于 2017-6-22 01:52
Fifty-seven as a dream,
The country fell to Seoul,
Longyou shallow water do not give up,

这是谷歌翻译的？真神！