《交感》

鹤梦白云上

山菊贴了30首“触动灵魂”的经典诗歌，这里面有一首波特莱尔的《感应》我也翻译过，和钱春绮的译法有所不同。一般而言，二十世纪的现代自由诗我不用文言文译，但是十九世纪和之前的格律体诗，我觉得可以试试文言式或半文言式的译法。

《交感》

－波特莱尔

夫天地者，神殿也，
活柱立其间，喁喁语不止；
游子步于象征之森林，
树木视之脉脉意未已。

悠长如回音，深邃且远，
捉摸不定，浑然一体，
广博如黑夜，无端如光缕，
五味、五音、五色皆交感。

气有馨香者，清新如童肤，
悠扬如长笛，碧绿如牧场，
余者则腐败，壕奢，得意，

无孔不入，弥漫致穷极，
亦如龙涎香、麝香、安息香，
歌以灵魂、感官之狂喜。

押韵方式和原作并不一致，但是也有一定的特点，如，在四节中，“已”、“体”、“意”、“极”、“喜”形成主体韵脚，其中三个都是上声：已、体、喜。另外，还有其它的上声字：止、远、缕、感、场，再算上：也。十四行总共有九个上声字出现在行尾。有时候我很喜欢这种上声结尾的诗行，自从读到潘之恒的那个《秦淮看月记》。有时候我也很喜欢去声，尽管律诗联句要求以平声结尾。汉语诗行的音乐美是很有拓展空间的。

《秦淮看月记》

－潘之恒

我之思兮云隐，
月中生兮风中殒，
忽如梦兮如醒，
我又思兮瀛海，
龙衔光兮凤舒彩，
忽以游兮以嬉，
愿千秋兮无改。

波特莱尔的《感应》（我译作《交感》）很有名是因为他这里面讲到了法国象征主义诗歌的一些重要特征，算是一个宣言性的诗作。

第一节，讲大自然和诗人之间的关系。在诗人眼里，天地万物都会对诗人发出喁喁私语，都会对诗人投注亲昵的目光，这是说天地和人之间的一种交互感应的关系。其实中国自《诗经》始，诗人就是这样作诗的。“蒹葭苍苍，白露为霜”，无非是大自然中的芦荻和白露对诗人发出一种喁喁私语，让诗人起了感应，这在汉语的语境中叫起兴罢了。

第二节，讲不但大自然和人之间有交感，而且人的味、声、色等各种感官系统会发生交互感应，光有声感，声有光感，我们学过的《荷塘月色》中的通感应该就属此列：“塘中的月色并不均匀；但光与影有着和谐的旋律，如梵婀玲上奏着的名曲。”多年来，中学语文这个通感例句我一直印象深刻，但我老实说，从月色到乐曲，其实并不那么容易过渡。象征主义的诗歌就更加晦涩了。其实交感也好，象征、隐喻、起兴也罢，核心是由此及彼的一种联想，这大概是诗的一个核心技巧吧。

第三、四节，专讲味，有馨香型的美好的味，通感到触觉（童肤）、听觉（长笛）、视觉（牧场），这是有诗意的；也有本来不好闻的味，比如臭味，那么有没有诗意呢？波特莱尔从这些负面味道中闻到腐败、壕奢、得意的情绪，感到它们的无孔不入以至穷极的扩张性，这是不是有点“资本主义”的味道？但是波特莱尔似乎又不是在简单地控诉什么，而是从中提炼出一种美感，转化为龙涎香、麝香、安息香的味道，而至狂喜。

记得买过两次蓝奶酪，吃过的都知道的，那有一种说不出的味道，不管怎么形容，一般人都不会说那是“香味“，我家小朋友一闻就受不了，说象臭豆腐，碰都不愿碰，每次都叫我独享了。所以，以我愚见，波特莱尔《恶之花》，大概也就是吃臭豆腐臭奶酪吃出滋味来了吧。

山菊

谢谢分享，读之受益！

可不可以附上英文版？

鹤梦白云上

山菊 发表于 2015-3-26 05:08
谢谢分享，读之受益！

可不可以附上英文版？

法文版和多个英文版：

Correspondances

La Nature est un temple où de vivants piliers
Laissent parfois sortir de confuses paroles;
L'homme y passe à travers des forêts de symboles
Qui l'observent avec des regards familiers.
Comme de longs échos qui de loin se confondent
Dans une ténébreuse et profonde unité,
Vaste comme la nuit et comme la clarté,
Les parfums, les couleurs et les sons se répondent.
II est des parfums frais comme des chairs d'enfants,
Doux comme les hautbois, verts comme les prairies,
— Et d'autres, corrompus, riches et triomphants,
Ayant l'expansion des choses infinies,
Comme l'ambre, le musc, le benjoin et l'encens,
Qui chantent les transports de l'esprit et des sens.
— Charles Baudelaire


Correspondences
Nature is a temple in which living pillars
Sometimes give voice to confused words;
Man passes there through forests of symbols
Which look at him with understanding eyes.
Like prolonged echoes mingling in the distance
In a deep and tenebrous unity,
Vast as the dark of night and as the light of day,
Perfumes, sounds, and colors correspond.
There are perfumes as cool as the flesh of children,
Sweet as oboes, green as meadows
— And others are corrupt, and rich, triumphant,
With power to expand into infinity,
Like amber and incense, musk, benzoin,
That sing the ecstasy of the soul and senses.
— William Aggeler, The Flowers of Evil (Fresno, CA: Academy Library Guild, 1954)

Correspondences

Nature's a temple where each living column,
At times, gives forth vague words. There Man advances
Through forest-groves of symbols, strange and solemn,
Who follow him with their familiar glances.
As long-drawn echoes mingle and transfuse
Till in a deep, dark unison they swoon,
Vast as the night or as the vault of noon —
So are commingled perfumes, sounds, and hues.
There can be perfumes cool as children's flesh,
Like fiddIes, sweet, like meadows greenly fresh.
Rich, complex, and triumphant, others roll
With the vast range of all non-finite things —
Amber, musk, incense, benjamin, each sings
The transports of the senses and the soul.
— Roy Campbell, Poems of Baudelaire (New York: Pantheon Books, 1952)

Correspondences
All nature is one temple, the living aisles whereof
Murmur in a soft language, half strange, half understood;
Man wanders there as through a cabalistic wood,
Aware of eyes that watch him in the leaves above.
Like voices echoing in his senses from beyond
Life's watery source, and which into one voice unite,
Vast as the turning planet clothed in darkness and light,
So do all sounds and hues and fragrances correspond.
Perfumes there are as sweet as the music of pipes and strings,
As pure as the naked flesh of children, as full of peace
As wide green prairies — and there are others, having the whole
Corrupt proud all-pervasiveness of infinite things,
Like frankincense, and musk, and myrrh, and ambergris,
That cry of the ecstasy of the body and of the soul.
— George Dillon, Flowers of Evil (NY: Harper and Brothers, 1936)

Correspondences
In Nature's temple, living pillars rise,
Speaking sometimes in words of abstruse sense;
Man walks through woods of symbols, dark and dense,
Which gaze at him with fond familiar eyes.
Like distant echoes blent in the beyond
In unity, in a deep darksome way,
Vast as black night and vast as splendent day,
Perfumes and sounds and colors correspond.
Some scents are cool as children's flesh is cool,
Sweet as are oboes, green as meadowlands,
And others rich, corrupt, triumphant, full,
Expanding as infinity expands:
Benzoin or musk or amber that incenses,
Hymning the ecstasy of soul and senses.
— Jacques LeClercq, Flowers of Evil (Mt Vernon, NY: Peter Pauper Press, 1958)

Correspondances
Nature's a fane where down each corridor
of living pillars, darkling whispers roll,
— a symbol-forest every pilgrim soul
must pierce, 'neath gazing eyes it knew before.
like echoes long that from afar rebound,
merged till one deep low shadowy note is born,
vast as the night or as the fires of morn,
sound calls to fragrance, colour calls to sound.
cool as an infant's brow some perfumes are,
softer than oboes, green as rainy leas;
others, corrupt, exultant, rich, unbar
wide infinities wherein we move at ease:
— musk, ambergris, frankincense, benjamin
chant all our soul or sense can revel in.
— Lewis Piaget Shanks, Flowers of Evil (New York: Ives Washburn, 1931)

Correspondences
Nature is a temple where living pillars
Let sometimes emerge confused words;
Man crosses it through forests of symbols
Which watch him with intimate eyes.
Like those deep echoes that meet from afar
In a dark and profound harmony,
As vast as night and clarity,
So perfumes, colors, tones answer each other.
There are perfumes fresh as children's flesh,
Soft as oboes, green as meadows,
And others, corrupted, rich, triumphant,
Possessing the diffusion of infinite things,
Like amber, musk, incense and aromatic resin,
Chanting the ecstasies of spirit and senses.
— Geoffrey Wagner, Selected Poems of Charles Baudelaire (NY: Grove Press, 1974)

ccqi

译的很传统呢，赞

山菊

鹤梦白云上 发表于 2015-3-25 19:57
法文版和多个英文版：

Correspondances

瓦，光看英文版的就晕了~~~真是各有各的解读啊！

大概是先入为主吧，我觉得第一个读得顺些~~~你翻译的是这个吗？

翻译成古体是个很好的尝试
这几句，感觉还没有很到位（个人感觉哈：）

气有馨香者，清新如童肤，
悠扬如长笛，碧绿如牧场，

如果把省略的地方补上，是不是这样子：

There are perfumes as cool as the flesh of children,
There are sounds as sweet as oboes,
There are colors as green as meadows

鹤梦白云上

山菊 发表于 2015-3-27 05:11
瓦，光看英文版的就晕了~~~真是各有各的解读啊！

大概是先入为主吧，我觉得第一个读得顺些~~~你翻译的是 ...

不不，那两行没有省略，“悠扬如长笛（原文作双簧管）、碧绿如牧场”都是形容香气的，这就是波特莱尔所谓的”感应／交感“。如果说声音悦耳得象双簧管，颜色绿得象牧场，这就太普通而失去诗意了，至少没有当时的先锋性了。一个感官通另一个感官，就象朱自清从月光通感到小提琴那样，诗人，特别是象征派诗人，就是要在自己的小宇宙里把天与人打通，把各种感官系统打通。